What do you call a cow with two legs?
Answer: Your mom.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
Mommy, when will daddy come back?
I'm not your mom...
Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.
When your mom fell down, a 10 magnitude earthquake shook the Earth.
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.
Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.
