You jokes
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
Did you know that Uranus is as big as the moon?
What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?
gay now, heterosexual later.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
Have you heard about the pedophile who was guilty of robbery?
He took a girl's innocence.
what do you call an autistic police officer? special forces
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
What do you call a cow that eats grass?
A lawn mooer.
You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”