You jokes
Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.
Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
What do you call a sheep with wings?
If I get an atom, I would split it with you.
You gay.
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
Do you want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it's tear-able!
What do you call a mug? A mug dummy.
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
Why you always in a mood?
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
You (DYM 53).
Me: What's that sound?
Ex: What?
Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
*Chatting with a stranger on the internet*
Me: Hi, how are you?
A stranger: I'm fine, hbu?
Me: I'm good. 🤷♂️