You jokes

Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?

Random guy: Why?

Me: Because you look like a whale.

You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."

All go gansta until the two towers fall down on you.

What did the parents say to the orphans?

"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"

If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.

What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?

A mustach-io!

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap till their parents come home.

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

Why do orphans love tornadoes? Because they always pick you up!

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

"Ketchup with me, you are too slow."

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

Wanna hear a funny joke?

You

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?

Bob, why are you kicking the kids?

What, it's not like they have a home to go to.

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?