You jokes
Mom, I’m pregnant.
Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
What do you call a baby in the crib?
Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
Are you a Chipotle bowl? Because I wanna eat you out.
Memes
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
What do you call a bull sleeping?
A bull-dozer.
How do you get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Doritos.
Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.
AKA you're for sale.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Some people decide to start a blog.
Others decide to start a blog.
You know what my sink started?
A clog.
What do you call a cow you can’t see?
Camooflauged.
Do you want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it's tear-able!
What do you call a mug? A mug dummy.
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
You gay.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.