You Jokes

Woman

What do you call a woman with magical abilities and an android? Wanda Maximoff and Vision! Or.... Scarlet Witch and Vision! This joke was added to celebrate and honour Marvel Studios' new series: WandaVision!

Thief

I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.

Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!

Woman

How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.

Wolf

What does a Hufflepuff wolf say? β€œI will huffle and puff, and blow your house down!”

That is related to Harry Potter πŸ§™πŸΌβ€β™‚οΈ.

Rose

Roses are red, violets are blue, all these orphan jokes have ruined this site. Fuck you!

Homework

Dumb kid: What does homework mean?

Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?

Me:

"Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"

Hairline

This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."

Pillow

What do you call a pillow that has been on the bed for 20 years in jail?

A criminal! πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

Trash

Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.

Orphan

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?

Me: Where's your parents?

Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?

Me: Because it has a home button.

Entertainment

I’m not funny! Please do not laugh at my jokes! But do check them out, they’re very unpredictable. Read them, do not laugh, they’re jokes, do not laugh at them!

Someone: hah- Me: NO DON’T YOU DARE!😠😠

Girlfriend

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

Blonde

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.

Cat

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!

Homework

So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

Nude

What happens when you search nudes on my phone?

Nothing, I don't have any.