You jokes
What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?
They both be flying??
What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
I’d be muffin without you.
You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.
What do you call a body without a nose?
Nobody knows.
What do you call a room with no doors?
How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
300? You are a 3.0.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Kick the chair out from under them.
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
Have you ever heard of hearing aids?
Yeah, me neither.
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
Dad, I love you.
Son, I love you.
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.
What do you call two emos spending time together?
Hanging out.
How do you get into Hogwarts? Through the Dumble Door.