You jokes
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. 🍅
(I know it's cringe!)
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
What do you call Moby Dick's dad?
Papa Boner.
Memes
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Correctly spelled.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
You realize we are tolerating you, right?
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
If you don't have big Nyash,
Lower your voice while talking to me, you Mau Mau warrior. 😂😂😂
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?
Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?
A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.
A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.
«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.
A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.
Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?
My enemy: Uh, no, why?
Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.