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A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

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    • Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.

    Sister: No, I won't stop.

    Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.

    Sister: What? You will see when I post it.

    Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?

    Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.

    Girl: Hey. Boy: Hi? Girl: I need to tell you something... Boy: WHAT? Girl: I like you. Boy: And I hate you. Boy: YOU'RE A CHICKEN πŸ”πŸ” πŸ” Girl: I HATE YOU YOU POOP πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’© Girl: LOSER L Boy: I thought you said you liked me. Girl: SHUT UP CHICKEN/POOP πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ” πŸ” Boy: GIRL BYE Girl: Bye Felicia.

    Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."

    Me: "Why did you?"

    Mom: "I was very drunk..."

    Explains a lot...

    *Watches sad movie with family*

    Everyone else: *Crying*

    Sister: How aren't you crying?

    Me: I have no tears left to cry...

    Can't wait to meet you!

    So join the Depression family!

    We open real soon!

    Try best to hold onto sanity!

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Insomnia.

    You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

    What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

    Kentucky Fried Children!

    What's it called when you eat those same babies?

    Finger Lickin' Good!

    What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

    Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.