You Jokes

Drink

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

She says, "Vinegar and water."

Design

Have you seen all the pants with crazy designs on them? I mean, britches be crazy!

Midget

Why shouldnโ€™t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?

... Because itโ€™s not big and itโ€™s not clever.

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  • Iceberg

    What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?

    "Come close and Iโ€™ll knock you out cold!"

    Home

    Hi! ๐Ÿ‘‹ I love ๐Ÿ’• you love ๐Ÿ’• a good time at home. ๐Ÿก

    Man

    One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy.

    "Who are you?"

    "I am mountain man!"

    Nucleus

    A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, โ€œHow much for a drink?โ€ The bartender replied, โ€œFor you, NO CHARGE!โ€

    Helicopter

    When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"

    Aquarium

    You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

    Baby

    How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

    I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.

    Cereal

    Have you heard about the new cereal?

    It's called "Prostituties."

    They don't snap, crackle, or pop, but they sure do bang!

    Dinner

    What is your car? What was your time today after I had dinner night and night sleep night? Is it a night for you and a dinner night? Night dinner night? Was the snow? I had dinner night night dinner.