Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
You Jokes
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Some people are such "treasures" that you just want to bury them.
What do you call a group of Daveons? A "daveon-ation."
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”
Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”
Condom: “Hahaha...”
What do you call your retard friend?
A homie with an extra cromie.
What do you call a smart blonde Labrador?
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Saucy
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
What do you call a rapper who's always cold?
Chill MC.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
MC Cheffin'.
