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You jokes

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"

"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."

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    • Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

    Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

    Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

    Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

    Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

    A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

    (Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

    Why are there no chemists in Africa?

    Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.

    What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?

    They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.

    I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

    Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

    For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

    When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.