My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
You Jokes
What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
Roses are red, Violets are ugly.
Violet thought she was ugly until she saw you!
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
What do you call a space Muslim?
A Tusken Raider.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What do you call an Irish person having a seizure? A Shamrock Shake.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
