What part of a vegetable can you not eat.
The wheelchair.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
Karen walks into McDonald's.
Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??
Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!
Lady at the counter: yes miss.
Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.
Lady at the counter: *sweats*
Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
what do you call a kid with Autism and saw star wars?
Chewbacca
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
The joke is you! 😂🤣😂🤣😂
What's the difference between babies and onions..... You don't cry cutting up babies.
Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.
Hitla: That's exactly what I said.
This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.
If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"
you looking for jokes? i have one, your life
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
what's the worst thing to say to an emo?
if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.
Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?
They always hang around.
You can't YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
