You jokes
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.
like this if you don't like school.
Like this if you are in elementary, middle school, or high school.
Like this if you are in foster care.
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.
like this if you have ever been abused.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
What do you call a house with no one living inside?
An orphan house.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
What do you call a bear with no ear?
B.
A: Do you eat food?
B: Yes...
A: You can sit on deez nuts then!
B: Omg I have depression now.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
Your mom was born in a dumpster, as well as you.
What do you call a downy who can't get a girlfriend?
Down bad.
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.