You jokes
Why did your dad FUCKING LEAVE YOU? He went to suck balls.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...
Because you already look ugly.
Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?
No, why?
Boy are deez nuts so big.
Do you know Wildee?
What's that?
Will deez nuts fit into your mouth?
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
Have you learned SoDN in chemistry? It's so hard.
What's SoDN?
Suck on deez nuts.
What do you call a once that's an insect?
A creepy crawly.
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.