You jokes
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
Me: Do you like smash?
Friend: Smash Rolls?
Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!
Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)
What do you call a bored robot?
A “sigh”-borg.
Why did they put the Petronas towers? Eh, you do you.
Why did the orphan get sent to the principal's office?
Because he punched dumbos like you people!
Did you hear about the emo kid in a wheelchair? Exactly.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
Like if you love God and Jesus.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
Say what you will about Donald Trump, at least he's not Biden.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.