You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
You Jokes
Like if you love God and Jesus.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
Say what you will about Donald Trump, at least he's not Biden.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Hey baba girl, I have balls, you know.
