You jokes
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
An orphan goes into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, you need parent permission to enter."
What type of flower do you give an orphan?
A self-raising [flour].
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
Your forehead is so big that you dream on IMAX.
I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."
What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.
What do you call an Asian? A stupid gook.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?
Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.
What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.
What's blue and bad for your teeth?
A green brick that's painted blue after the original paint dries (it takes a little while to dry), but after it dries you can paint it and then it will be green. If the brick is green it is called a green brick as it is green (not blue anymore) and it hurts your teeth because brick is a hard material that can damage the bones in your mouth (also known as your teeth).