You jokes

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming!

How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words.

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

"Police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

If someone wears black, say, "If you see someone wears black, they always be emo."

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.

You signed up for football, but you're no good.

You have thin feet that people think you were a duck.

Your mom is so ugly, you look like her. Oh, got 'em!

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"

That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .