You jokes

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

What do you call a fat, ugly, and hairy woman with a rape whistle? A feminist.

I have more cum in one testicle than you have in your whole penis.

If you are going to bully anyone, then bully an orphan, because what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?

You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.

What do you call a ball with no hair? A Mexican ball.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?

Spasticelastic.

What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?

Hot Wheels.

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

You call it a school shooting.

I call it an unfair shootout.

Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

"Aren't you going back home now?"

"No, I am going back home."

What did the farmer say to the pig? "You snout to believe it!"

What do you call a terrible bus company?

Stagecoach Highlands.

You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.