You jokes
What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.
Like if you know an orphan.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
What do you call a white bucket?
A pail.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
What do you call a lamp that molests young boys? A Jacko Lantern!
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
Me: "The villain has a point, you know."
Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:
How dare you people make 9/11 jokes? It's just "plane" rude!
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
Did you know Princess Diana's last dress she wore was white? But afterwards, it was red.
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What do you call an emo with curly hair?
Sam Reid.
Your hairline is so bad that you have a humongous forehead.