You jokes
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!
My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
When you see someone, you say, "Go suck bananas."
What do you call a female Michael Jackson? She she.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
Do you see the toilet?
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?
Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
What dessert do you get on September 11th?
An ice cream flight!
Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.
What's a bonus of being an orphan?
You can't get homework.
Roses are red, the grass is greener, when I see you, I play with my wiener.
You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror.
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"
Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.