You jokes

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

What do you call an emo with no legs?

Emobile.

When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((

Are you a hotdog stand? 'Cause you make my hotdog stand ;)

I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.

But it would just crash and burn.

Knock, knock.

You suck my iron with you and mommy.

Did you know emos are the highest jumpers? Some of them are still in the air.

What do you call a German that can't see? A Notsee.

I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."

If you really think about it, every market in Africa is a black market.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

How is sex like air?

It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.