Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
You know how Joe Biden is happy?
When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
What do you call a smart person in America?
A tourist.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"
The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
