You jokes

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

When you see someone, you say, "Go suck bananas."

What do you call a female Michael Jackson? She she.

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.

Do you see the toilet?

Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.

Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.

Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?

Kids: Yeah!

Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!

Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.

*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*

Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.

What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?

Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.

What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?

Hot Wheels.

What dessert do you get on September 11th?

An ice cream flight!

Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.

What's a bonus of being an orphan?

You can't get homework.

Roses are red, the grass is greener, when I see you, I play with my wiener.

You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror.

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"

Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.