You jokes
What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?
RoboCop.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening πππ
POV: you
You're so clapped that you make Susan Boyle attractive.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."
You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!