You jokes

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?

No, I'm already looking at one.

Doctor Seuss break up lines:

"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.

How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?

Flip it upside down.

I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.

Your forehead is so big, you could roast meat on it.

Shup up, transparent hairline. Look like you got splashed by some clear soap.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.

(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

Are you still a virgin?

If you do IT

With no one?

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

When you're in a cage But it's not real!

Being in a cage But you have the key.

Being in a cage But nobody sees you.

Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.

Living and realizing you've been born into one.

Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.

But you can't live without them.

The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.

Making a comforting breakfast.

But you have a knife.

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"

In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"

Bully says, "You are DISGUSTING!!!!!!"

The girl says, "Just like your face."

Your forehead is damn big, Walt was jealous of you.