You jokes
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.
You was reaching into you’re backpack and the whole class jumped through the window.
Kobe is a legend and is nothing to joke about. Wait till you crash and burn!
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
You are fat.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.
Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Som Ting Wong.