You jokes

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

What do you call a disabled Chinese person?

Som Ting Wong.

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?

Because they have to pay for road tax.

You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

What can you catch, but not throw?

How do you call a very long terrorist?

9/11.

What do people use more than you that is yours?

If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I?

What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?

What do you call angry midgets?

Short-tempered.

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

@M3GAN fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucufkcucufkcuckfucufkcufcfufkcufkcuckfucufkf you

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

Bro, you look like you got your hair from the Roblox avatar shop.

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.