You jokes
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
The Twin Towers are like Jenga; you yell "towers falling!"
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.
What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
What do you call a kid hanging? An emo kid!
Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!
What do you call a Muslim bee?
Habibee.
Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.
Why do blind kids like plane crashes?
Because you can’t dislike what you have never seen.
There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.
What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.
Wanda: Ok, Timmy.
Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!
Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.
*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*
What do you call a very long bowl?
Manute Bowl.