You jokes
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?
Panera Sed!
What do you get when you mix a cow with an earthquake??
Milkshake.
Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?
A: Retired Farming Machinery.
What do you call Indian dhal that is delicious?
Well, that is DHALicious!
When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.
When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.
If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.
What do you call a Panera Bread you write with?
Panera lead.
What do you call a black person in a dark room?
Invisible.