You Jokes

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.

All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”

You know who deserves a medal? The guy who killed Hitler.

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.

Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

What do you call a feminist? A Karen.

How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?

Just take out his brain and there you go!

What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!

Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?

A: At least you don't die when you shower.

Have you heard anything about this Chuck Norris guy? Yeh, me neither.

What do you call an autistic daughter?

This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?

Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)

If you are homeless, get a home.

You smash me so hard, I gave her the D.

You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.

Your hairline is so far back, I couldn't see you even when Will Smith slapped it.

What do you call a Titan who can't swim?

Titanic!

Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.

What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.

What's the difference between me and you?

Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-