You jokes
Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
What makes my life so unfair?
You invading it for no apparent reason.
You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
Who is the Hamburglar's perverted cousin?
The Turdburglar.
You really do not want to see the mess these two make of the washrooms in a fast food joint.
What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?
"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"