You jokes
What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words to her husband?
"You feed the dog, I’ll feed the fish."
How many prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just put the light bulb up their pussy and ask you to pay.
What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?
Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Heh, what do you call two girls who love scissors?
Lesbians! Bahahah!
Michael J. Fox came up to me the other day and introduced himself to me. He said, "Hey, what’s shaking?"
I said, "You."
Did you know Michael J. Fox’s favorite song is "Shake, Rattle and Roll"?
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Q: How many aborted babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you know an orphan is telling the truth?
When they swear on their mother's grave!
If you read this, you are gay/lesbian.
Q. What do you call a baby born six months early?
A. A miscarriage.
What do you call a masculine lesbian who smokes weed?
A stoned butch.
Q: What do you call a hot lesbian who smokes weed?
A: A high femme.
If you eat pussy, and if you are what you eat, does that mean eating pussy makes you a pussy?
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and your mom?
A suicide bomber doesn't abort their mission like your mom did when she had you.
A man walks into a bar and places a 12-inch man onto the counter as well as a small piano. The 12-inch man starts playing the piano really well.
The bartender asks the man where he got the 12-inch man. The man says there is a genie two blocks around the corner.
The bartender runs to the genie and makes a wish. The bartender comes back with 1 million ducks. The bartender says to the man, "That genie is dumb! I asked for 1 million bucks."
The man says, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
How do you keep a blind person entertained? Give them a piece of sandpaper and tell them it’s a word.
What was the difference between the Federal Republic of Germany and the German Democratic Republic?
Federal Republic: The harder you work, the more you get.
Democratic Republic: The harder you work, the firmer the handshake and nothing else.
What is the motto of left-wing authoritarianism?
We don't have one, so you don't need one.