You jokes
When Stephen Hawking's teacher asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He said, "Six foot four."
Hey, wanna know why you remind me of a waitress?
Because you handle my food great, and I give you a good tip afterwards.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Grandma.
Grandma who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
There are two sexes: one with your mother and the other with you.
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?
Not yo cheese!
What do you call a pool full of disabled people?
Vegetable soup.
1, 2, Freddy's coming for you.
3, 4, better lock your door.
5, 6, grab a crucifix.
7, 8, stay up late.
9, 10, never sleep again.
I love this song, y'all! Like if you love it too! :)
Yo mama is so nasty that she sucked your dad's dick and came in to kiss you goodnight.
What do you get when you cross Freddie Mercury and Dracula?
A dead man with AIDS.
What do you get when you cross a blonde chick and a garden tool?
A dumbass hoe.
Your momma is so fat, she eats insulation and thinks it's cotton candy.
What do you call an autistic person who is a dumbass? A dumbism.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Only.
Only who?
Only you make my heart beat fast.
What do you call a lesbian vampire?
Cunt Dracula.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
What do you call a sick Asian?
A calculator with dead batteries.
"My love, I missed you."
"Aww, I missed you too."
"I did not miss *that* time!"
One woman said to the other, "This child is truly cruel!"
The second woman replied, "Did I say 'child'?"
The first woman said, "I beg your pardon; I didn't know you were my father!"