You jokes

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

What do you call an American house?

A gun safe.

What do you call a cemetery of dead Arabs? A mine field.

@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

10/7 is probably a spinoff of 9/11.

You can't convince me otherwise.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.

What number is better than 69?

88 'cause you get ate twice.

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

What do you call a flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?

A seizure salad.

What do you call an army of disabled people?

Special forces.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.