You Jokes

An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.

The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.

Teacher: Where's your homework?

Student: At home...

Teacher: What's it doing there?

Student: Having a better time than me.

What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?

Hamburg-ER.

Then: You want free candy?

Now: You want free Wi-Fi?

Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."

Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.

What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.

What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

What are you on? YouTube.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."

Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?

There is a small medium at large.

Have you ever been eight before?

You were between 7 and 9.

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.

What do you call a dictatorial cow?

Moosilini.

What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?

Hop in.

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.