You Jokes

Vodka

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

Pedophile

What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?

"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"

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  • Marriage

    A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

    The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

    Man

    Old man goes to the doctor.

    The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."

    The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"

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  • Down Syndrome

    People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.

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  • Sun

    North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

    Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

    The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

    Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

    Bar

    Why did the man walk into a bar?

    Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!

    Teacher

    We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

    Momma

    Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!

    Bar

    A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

    Surgery

    A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

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