You jokes
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.