What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
You Jokes
What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"
Stephen Hawking answers.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?
What do you call an Autistic kid?
A work of Daniel.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
How did you get that? Used your life savings?