What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table
What do you call an Asian? A-chan.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
What do you call a Twinkie with two pairs of pants?
Double trousers.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family
