You Jokes

Cancer

Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!

Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!

Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...

Mom:....

Squirrel

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

  • 1
  • Boy

    A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

    The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

    "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

    Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

    "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

    The boy licked his cone and replied:

    "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

    Toe

    A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.

    Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

    Guy: "What's the bad news?"

    Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."

    Guy: "Good news?"

    Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."

    Incest

    One day Johnae said, "What do you call a family outing?"

    "Incest."

    Low key Johnae fucks Kirby and Peach.

    Edible

    Someone was crushing a bag of chips. I said, "Are you making edibles?"

    Incest

    Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."

  • 6
  • Woman

    Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!

    Watermelon

    What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

  • 6
  • Chin

    What do you say to a fat Asian?

    You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

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  • Milk

    What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?

    Spoiled milk.

    Man

    A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

    Dog

    What do you call a dog with no legs?

    It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.