You jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.
What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.
When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.
What do you do when a baby starts to cry?
You use more lube.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Science flies you to the moon.
Religion flies you into towers.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,
I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.
You got a dig bick.
You read that wrong.
You read that wrong too.
Maybe you read that wrong as well.
You just went and back-checked.
You reread all of that.
You have a pet wussy.
You read that wrong...
You need mental help.
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"