What do you call a dead human?
A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?
You Jokes
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
Bully: You are a piece of shit.
Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.
Are you from Tennessee, because I eat ass.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.
Read this:
Crack
What did you think of? A window crack or the drug?
One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.
The man asked for some crack.
The woman turned around and said, "Here."
That's where the crack was, you guessed it.
The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."
What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
You look like a burger.
What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?
Ten-putt!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One, if you throw it hard enough.
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.