You jokes
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
What do you call a brave octopus? Octobrave.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
What do you call frozen web?
A web-cicle.
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?
A Pre Visa!
What do you call a bar run by Gungans?
Jar Jar Drinks.
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I am gay, so are you.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
A retard walks into a bar.
Bartender: Hey, retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard!
Thank you for listening to joke, sincerely - Jokeman87848584
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do you call a person with no eyebrows?
Ms. Burgos.
So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."