You jokes

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.

You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...

How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.

What do you call the worst joke teller of all time?

Ben or Chris?

What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?

LEAN BEEF!

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!

Bro, wait, are cannibals real, though?

Anyway, my joke is if you eat yourself, are you a cannibal?

Think about it, lol. Haha.

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

What did the cake say to the fork?

"Do you want a piece of me!!!"

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?

"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."

What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?

If you throw them, they both will never come back.

What do you call a man with a curly toe?

Carlito.

How do you turn the Roman numeral IX (9) to a six?

Add the "S."

Do you think Stephen Hawking could ever plug his Instagram or anything?

Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!