How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
You Jokes
You you you like like like like my joke nooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
When do you take a cow to the movies?
On a mooo-vie!
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
I was gonna tell you a pun about a bin but,
bin there, done that.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
What do you call a ride that drops 180 degrees?
Cold as hell.
Do you want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it is tearable.
If you thought other people’s puns are bad, well, you should sea mine.
What do you call your mom when she goes into the shower?
A shower ma! (shawarma)
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.
What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.
There once were 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said, "This is disgusting!" and threw it out the window. The 2nd man bit into a banana and said, "This is rotten!" and he threw it out the window. The 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed, "ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT!" and he threw it out the window.
Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying. He replied, "An apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The police officer said, "That is weird," and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked, "Why are you crying?" and he answered, "A banana came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The officer said, "This has been a strange day." Then he sees a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said, while he was laughing, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
Hey, stinks, you know why? 'Cause your butts dry!
What do you call a fish with a temper?
Undyne.
If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.