You jokes
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?
Them: You want some Lucky Harms?
Me: What are Lucky Harms?
Them: They're Lucky Charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.
Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.
What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.
(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
What did the dirt say to the embers?
You look smoking hot.
So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."
Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."
And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."
I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"
Is your refrigerator running? "Yeah, I guess." Well, you better go catch it! Haha, I'm a girl, it's funny!
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.
Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.