"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!
what is the difference between a priest and mcdonalds? nothing, they both stick their meat in between 12-year-old buns
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
We were versing year 8 at footy, and they were mostly black, so I told my white friend to WATCH OUT!!!
I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
Your mum eats cabbage.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
I heard China aborts 25% of female babies. That's a lot of dead 3-year-old gender-affirmed girls.
