Work jokes

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.

I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.

I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.

The Lenovo computers at school stopped working.

They had to call an archeologist.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."

The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"

The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?

Cum Junkie.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?

Both of their legs don't work.

I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.

When does a doctor get mad?

When he runs out of patients!

Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.

What do you call an Autistic kid?

A work of Daniel.

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic? Free dog food.

Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!

Why did the booty get a job?

To make ends meet!

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?" God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"