Work jokes

I lick poo for a living... You?

What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.

I have so many cash machine jokes.

But none of them seem to work ATM.

Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?

A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.

So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

Here are some skeleton jokes.

You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.

If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.

I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.

I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.

I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!

I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.

I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.

Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"SUPPLIES!"

The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

What kind of jokes doesn’t work out?

Fat people jokes.

What do you call an Autistic kid?

A work of Daniel.

Where did the one legged lady work?

IHOP

Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?

She called for a price check.

If I ever ran for public office, I'd make Rajan a call center employee again.

*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

*Me sits down in the chair*

*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

*walks out without paying*

*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

*customer:* I told u she would.