Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?
Crack/her
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
Q: What did the AISH worker do on her lunch break? A: Five Guys.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"
What's the same with a controller and a woman?
They both work if you hit them.
Here are some skeleton jokes.
You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.
If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.
I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.
I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.
I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!
I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.
I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.
Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
