Work jokes

What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?

Panera Ned.

I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.

Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it’s a family business.

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

What's the difference between economy and Vietnamese?

Economy doesn't work.

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?

Yeah, he Pasta-Way.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?

I am in trouble.

I have a joke about construction.

I'm still working on it.

The Lenovo computers at school stopped working.

They had to call an archeologist.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Bully 1 to Bully 2: You're ugly.

Bully 2: Look in a mirror.

Bully 1: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else.

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

I found a key that works for every door at my school.