My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
Work Jokes
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
I work at a tire shop.
I'm pretty tired.
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
I have a joke about construction.
I'm still working on it.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Q: What did the AISH worker do on her lunch break? A: Five Guys.
I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
