Work jokes

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?

Panera Ned.

I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!

Bully 1 to Bully 2: You're ugly.

Bully 2: Look in a mirror.

Bully 1: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else.

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?

A: Because when you're there, you're family.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

What's the difference between economy and Vietnamese?

Economy doesn't work.

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

The Lenovo computers at school stopped working.

They had to call an archeologist.

Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it’s a family business.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?

I am in trouble.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

I found a key that works for every door at my school.

Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.

I have a joke about construction.

I'm still working on it.

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.