Work jokes
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."
I lick poo for a living... You?
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?
A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
I was working at Fredbear’s, but then I got bite of ‘83’d.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?
Crack/her
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.