Work jokes
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
💪 💪 🏋️♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?
Cum Junkie.
What do Black people and chains have in common? Both work better with chains on them?
What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?
They both don’t work.