Wordplay jokes
what is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.