Wordplay jokes

What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Puns, that's how I roll.

What do you call a dead parrot?

Polygon.

Hey, cobalt can't. But tin can ;)

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.

I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?

Hamburg-ER.

What do you call a blind German?

A not see.

My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?

A Mexican't.

What is Hitler's least favorite month?

Jewly.

What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?

Octopied.

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

Vagina jokes aren't funny.

Most of the time.

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ.

What's the difference between light and hard?

It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.

What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?

Lady fingers.